We’re all going to Nude School – Part 1

Australia has a long celebrated history of public nudity. Nude beaches, Nudist colonies, Nude weddings, Nude rugby…etc. I’m sure that every household in Australia has at least one good story to tell about a member of their family inappropriately nuding-up at some point.

In fact, according to my Grandmother, my Great Great Grandfather (her Grandad), when he was in his late 60s, used to sneak out with a group of his mates and go nude behind the sand dunes at Maroubra Beach in South Sydney. Apparently they would just hang out all day doing …nudist things… while other “members” took turns to keep a lookout for the Police!

I must admit I raised a bit of an eyebrow at this, but my Grandmother assured me it was all entirely innocent stuff…mmmmmm…Great, Great Grandpa you old devil!

The nudity gene must have skipped a few generations after Nude Maroubra Man because as hard as I try I can’t recall ever seeing my Dad’s father or my Dad displaying the family goods publicly. Actually, I can’t even recall my Grandfather displaying his knees publicly (I did once see his ankles though, but was temporarily blinded by the marble white skin and had to look away!).

However, never fear, the Nudity gene did eventually reappear…with me.

I’ve never had a problem getting nude publicly. Whether it be at a Rugby function, streaking through a Black Tie crowd and tackling a keg of beer; or casually walking back home with my brother-in-law Cam, down the 18 fairway at Como after a cousin's wedding, tuxedo tucked under one arm, beer in the other, and nothing else between us and the elements but our shiny shoes.

All of these nude dalliances were of course loudly applauded by those fortunate enough to have witnessed them (well that’s my recollection anyway), and that logically enough, leads me to the obvious conclusion that being nude in public is a tremendously good thing.

Or is it…

Years ago (in the 1960s to be precise), wineries started to dump excess or unwanted wine on the market by stuffing it in unlabeled (or at least minimally labelled) bottles to avoid the negative consequences of discounting their existing brands. Generally, this use of “cleankin” or “nude” wines had very little to do with the quality of the wine and consumers tended to benefit greatly from the technique. That is, more often than not they were getting the same quaity wine, but at a much cheaper price.

Over time therefore, the term “cleanskin” or “nude” wine became synonomous with quality wine at a discount.

However…

Somewhere along the line, some air-head marketing guru, either in one of the large wineries or a large retail liquor chain, picked up on this idea and decided to bottle crappy, barely drinkable swill, under a generic label and market that as “cleanskin” wine.

This ploy was successful for a while, leaching off the goodwill that proper cleanskin wine had built up over the years, but ultimately it led to the re-classification of a cleanskin as being synonymous with cheap and nasty rubbish – which was a shame really.

Until now…

There are a growing number of independent outlets that now make their living purely by selling bottles of cleanskin wines. Apparently, the general opinion is that the wines they are selling aren’t too bad at all. Could this be true? Have cleanskins thrown off the albatross of dross and putridity that’s hung around their necks for years? Are cleanskins, just like Flares, back baby yeah!

We set off to find out…MW

(See how the Guzzlers fared in We're all going to Nude School Part II)